End times


That’s the only word I came up with today. Write something on your blog, Mary, I told myself. Maybe it will be therapeutic.

Over the past couple of years, I’ve become increasingly dependent on the Internet to soothe my restless mind. I lose myself in a labyrinth of interesting articles, the antics of friends from around the world, silly videos, TV series on Netflix. I quell my boredom and at the same time avoid doing anything of note, including blogging. Oh yes, I do emerge for yoga and some running, I do read actual books to the tune of one or two a week. But still. The rest of the time? Drugged.

Until lately. It’s no fun any more. Everything is so awful. Everyone is yelling. And since last Friday, every day just seems to bring us one step closer to the apocalypse. Is it even legal to gag the EPA? Or is the “liberal media” telling me a whopper? Who’s lying, who’s exaggerating? What the fuck is really happening? Can this be real?

I marched on Saturday, with loads of lovely people, everyone was so polite, so optimistic, so motivated. All over the world, we marched. We agreed — we must hold one another up. We must care for our planet.

But what is unfolding in front of our unbelieving eyes is instead the opposite. There is no reason to support one another! People should be responsible for pulling their own selves up! They should stop complaining and start working! There is no reason to care for our planet. It will be here long after we die! We must achieve. We must take advantage of the rich abundance of the natural world. That’s intelligent. It’s our God-given right! We have a duty to make progress, to continuously grow the GDP, to use the resources for ourselves and to build personal wealth. Those are our American values.

I despair that the story lines have become so entrenched that dialog is no longer possible. That this will end in lives lost, hearts broken, landscapes obliterated, a broken planet. Earth will survive, you can be sure of that. Cockroaches will not suffer, nor bacteria. But humans, as a species? It’s not looking good. Might feel fine now, to be rich, to have achieved, to have built wealth and comfort on the pain and suffering of the less fortunate and the bounty of the earth, but in another hundred, two hundred years, what will humanity look like? What world will our children’s children be inhabiting, if they are even around? I shudder.

I should buy some live chickens, stockpile some rice, canned salmon and vitamin C. Good thing I have backpacking survival equipment. I hope my cat Minnie doesn’t eat the chickens. I’ll need some cat food, too. I should make a list.

I need to take a tech vacation, too. Internet rehab. Otherwise my brain is going to fry itself out with post-apocalyptic nightmares. I don’t sleep well these days.

Thank God we’re moving to Australia. Did I mention that? Yes, we’re moving to Melbourne.

But when I get off the Internet, and I feel untethered. It’s like a craving. What happened? Has anyone sent me an e-mail?

Can anyone tell me how to stop this, how to exit the cycle of despair?

Maybe if I try to blog every day, a single, beautiful thing. Maybe that would help.

6 thoughts on “End times

  1. It is probably a bigger problem than you realize – I personally have a really hard time separating from all the “stuff” – the news, the videos – if I look at Facebook, I am gone for quite a while. My eye catches a glimpse of something happening, and I am reading about women marching all the way to the end. It IS like a drug. I don’t know how many of us *Look around the World and read” addicts there are-How to be free??? I wish I knew. If and when you find help, please help me.

  2. Mary

    Do not despair.

    Remember you are a spiritual being having a human experience. Life is short. Keep your vibration high and express yourself in ways that are grateful and compassionate. Look for the good and dwell on that. What you see is not all there is.

    Don’t look at what the world is offering – look away and ignore. The expressions of greed and hatred are all around us and they are full of fear. Each expression will reach it’s own end. Let your expression of love prevail.

  3. Oh, Mary, oh Susan! I have been in a deep funk since Nov 8 as well. I found out on the way back from a truly wonderful three-week vacation, and it instantly wiped out all the good feelings! Sue N. sent me a link to http://www.obama.org to focus on the good things. Maybe it will help you. A big hug to you both.

  4. Mary, Susan, I tried leaving a comment before, but it disappeared. Just wanting to commiserate and give you both a big hug. I went to a rally here in Albuquerque, and it was a wonderful, uplifting event. But I still can’t imagine living day to day for the next four years with this horror! Sue N. has some wisdom to share.
    Hugs to you both.

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